Currently Listening Who We Are Instead By Jars of Clay see related

hey. this could be a bit of a haven now... I could use a bit of a haven now. I should be fast asleep. I walk thru the front door at work in 5.53 hours. 5am. stupid. i decide to find a different job every time I do that. and to think i just picked up the shift off hand... stoopid.hello. "where is my mind" would make an appropriate soundtrack for this time. brain seems stuck in a bizzare holding pattern. i have to break it. must.letting too much life slip me by. gonna go splash my face with cold h2o. it's too warm in here. this is definitely a battle we're fighting. apologies for stream of consciousness here... just hoping something useful might come out.  if you  are reading  this, you probably mean a lot to me.  seriously. so breathe deep. smile. our God is good.

Currently Listening The Fountain By Kronos Quartet, Mogwai see related

So here I am.... I tell people I feel no obligation to this bloggy stuff, and judging from my entries here, I must be telling the truth. I use this to vent when I wanna vent, basically. Right now I wanna vent about:

internal priorities vs external expectations

being hungry, but knowing if I go out for food and putz around, I'll end up wasting time and money, and so I'm staying in in hopes that I might accidentally get productive. I should work out some- no, that's silly. I killed it earlier on my bike at Harris Lake... that's mostly just cardio tho. I need to do curls, crunches, push-ups, pull ups..... don't have the guts to right now.

I wanna vent about not having friends that understand exactly where I'm coming from about just about everything all the time.

I wanna vent about not being satisfied with and thankful enough for the amazing awesome friends that I am lucky enough to call mine (okay, blessed enough).

I wanna vent about the crap in my job.... all of it except for the camraderie and REAL laughs that happen between REAL people. I need to find....uhhmmm...... ha............so much.

I can't tho.                          It's gonna hafta be God doing it, 'cause I'll screw it up. Royally.

I want to play instruments..... the musical kind. I want to play instinctually, as tho the music just springs up out of a natural geyser. I know I have the geyser. just can't quite tap it. Too busy.

oy vey... this is far from productive. fun to sculpt thought and emotion imperfectly into word form though.

I want someone to find me. gah.
TGBTG.

So be it.

Currently Listening Mutemath By Mute Math see related

Got my hair finally cut- Xanga is being pissy, and not cooperating. Wrote a big long thing, and it no worky.

I am Jack's screaming dreams.

Currently Listening Good Monsters By Jars of Clay see related

sooo- I'm gonna try and ressurect this thing. update the world on my existence. only not really. be watching for more.... :)